Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The most boring story

Old

I moved to a different apartment. So I cleaned the house. I cleaned for 2 days. My body hurt after the cleaning. there were a lot of things to clean. It took a lot of time and I didn’t like it. My family came to help but it still took a lot of time. I had no internet access so I couldn’t go on facebook or watch TV. the next day the moving company came they put our stuff together. We still had cleaning to do. The clothing and the little things came in a box we took the stuff out and put it on the couch. My couch is big so I can put all the clothes on. I try to help but I can’t because the other stuff was all the things for the kitchen did a lot of cleaning and I think our house looks better than before. After the cleaning I went to the skating rink I had a hard time finding the right skate size I tried on size 150 but it was small so I skated it hurt so I took my skates off and had a look at my foot and I saw it was bleeding on both sizes so I changed my skates to a 160 and it hurt less. And I watched avatar the movie it was so cool I think it is the best movie ever!!!

New

My two days that I moved was very tiring. Because we were moving to a new apartment, I had to clean my house for two long days. My body was sore after doing so much things. I abhorred cleaning my house. Even though my family came and help, it still took a lot of time. Because I didn’t even have internet connection, I couldn’t even do Facebook! I didn’t even get to watch TV, does that make sense for a teenage girl to be disconnected from society? I didn’t like it. The next day, the moving company came and helped pack and unpack our load together. We still had a lot of cleaning to do. SO I decided to organize my cloth by laying it on the large couch, the couch was so big that I could put all of my cloth on it. I tried to help clean other stuff, but I wasn’t really friendly with culinary materials and cleaning from a more experienced cleaner. The house looked better than ever after we cleaned our house. After we were done cleaning, we went skating, but it took me a long time to find the right size for my skates. I first tried on size 150, but after skating a lot, it hutted a lot. I took off my shoes to check was causing all this pain, but it was bleeding on both sides!! So I had to change my skates, and it didn’t hurt after. After we skated we watched the best movie ever, Avatar. It was awesome and wanted to see it again.

3 comments:

  1. VERY GOOODDD!!!! your choice of words were fantastic!
    organization was awesome and i think it was good(:

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  2. Sanghyun Brian Eun I think you made excellent revisions. You had good word choice and you made the story worth reading. This is Harvard level.

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  3. Nice revision. Nice choice of words and vocabs

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